Analysis Fall Writing Frenzy 2020, Week 5

Analysis Fall Writing Frenzy 2020, Kidlit Fall Writing Frenzy, Writers 4 Minutes

Hi Math is Everyone and Fall Writing Frenzy Friends,

This is the fifth week (if you can believe it!) of analyzing the Fall Writing Frenzy winners’ work from 2020! Wasn’t last week awesome? I finally stumped EVERYONE on my theme–score one Kaitlyn; however, all your theme ideas were even COOLER than mine, so point analyzers too! If you missed it, week 4 analysis check it out here!

Every week I will try my best to share 5-8 pieces from the Fall Writing Frenzy Winners that have something similar, a theme, if you will. (Figurative gold star if you get the theme in your comment ;))

Please use the comments to share what you think is working for the pieces and why, and you even what you think can be improved if you notice anything. Then you can respond to each other’s comments and of course come back to the blog on Fridays for interviews and giveaways!

Please make sure to be constructive.

We want to learn and grow together in a safe environment. 

 example, if you think a piece was rambling (something I often do lol) please don’t say, “They’re rambling forever, can’t they just stop?” Try, “It seems to be a bit on the wordy side, maybe consider cutting out certain parts.”

Thanks for joining in the conversation!

Now off we go! 

The Meadow of Spirits Unknown

By Danielle Sharkan

@DaniraeShark

Far from the torment and anguish at home,

she flees to the Meadow of Spirits Unknown. 

Alone with her thoughts, she begins the great task, 

of healing the world from the wounds of its past.

She leaps and she twirls as the Autumn sun sets, 

and cleanses her heart from its tears and regrets.

Spiderwebs, lizard legs, tail of shrew,

she gathers each item for witches’ dark brew,

With a cackle, a sizzle, a whistle and swish,

she blends and she stirs and she beats in her wish.

To strengthen the ailing, enrich all the poor,

to feed all the hungry, solve conflicts and war.

Stop forests from burning, and clean tainted seas, 

be kind to each other, set troubled souls free.

Come gather ye spirits, and powers that be.

Let’s beg for redemption this All Hallows’ Eve.

The Wonders of the Leaves 

by Shannon Howarth Nelsen

shannonhowarthnelsenwrites.wordpress.com/blog/ 

@ShannonNelsen

Cool air gusting

Golden dusting 

Leaves adorn the ground

Children jumping

Soaring, bumping 

Laughing in the mound

Acorns plopping

Berries dropping 

Treasures join the heap

Chipmunks forage 

Winter storage 

Plumping up for sleep

Sparrows snatching

Spiders catching 

Insects for a feast

Earthworms munching

Woodlice lunching 

Leaves are chomped and pieced 

Decomposing

No disposing

Turning leaves to mold 

Fertilizing 

Energizing

New will grow from old

Beetles hiding 

Leaves providing

Food and sheltered space

Silky spinnings

New beginnings

Safe within a case (Art – caterpillar moth cocoons)

Field mice finding

Leafy binding 

For a winter’s nest 

Hedgehogs cuddle

Wood frogs huddle 

Snuggled for a rest

Acorns buried

Seeds are carried

Leaves will sprout anew

Sunlight beaming

Life is teeming

In the golden hue

Fall Begins

By Amber Hendricks

@ashayhen

Sun kissed.

Gold tipped.

Fall begins anew. 

Green seeps.

Bronze spreads.

Change in every hue. 

Wind sweeps.

Limbs creak.

Falling day by day. 

Cold nips.

Frost creeps.

Winter’s on its way. 

An Autumn Daydream

By Kelly Zhang

@KellyZhang_YL

At the end of a long tiresome day,

I step onto the porch to take a deep breath.

An impish autumn breeze tickles my cheeks 

and lulls me into a trance … 

Rowing a boat under the azure sky, 

I forget to which port I’m headed. 

The undulating hills of red and gold

Bewitch my eyes.

Why do such passionate shades burst upon

A scene of withering solitude? 

I anchor the boat, 

and dive into a forest,

the color of toasty campfires 

and glowy sunsets.

As night falls, 

I sit under a velvety canopy of stars

And watch light dance through the window

Of a little wood cabin.

Hoot, hoot. 

An owl beckons in the distance.

Ruffle ruffle. 

The trees respond.

Slowly, I drift off to sleep 

under the hypnosis of the Fall Serenade.

SCREEECH! The sound of tires grinding pavement 

Broke the spell.

Like magic that wore off at the stroke of Midnight.

I looked around, dazed, confused. 

A single leaf drifted past my shoulder, the color of burning dreams.

Needle, the Evergreen

By Dazzle Ng

Needle, the Evergreen

Amber. Auburn.

Autumn

had come

for all

but one

tree.

Needle

had grown

seed-to-cones!

But she

remained

green.

She waited,

her breath

bated.

Mmmmp!

“Dear, you might turn blue!”

said a tree

nearby the pine.

“Don’t mind me. I’m changing!”

Oooohh…

The leaves

around

Needle

crackled

in the breeze.

Snap!

They floated

down.

Up

went piles

of leaves.

Waiting

for the magic

of fall

when all

jumped in…

to tumble

and roll,

young and old.

Sigh. “C’mon wind!”

But her leaves held.

Strong, stiff,

bristling

and

GREEN.

Not a speckle

of crimson,

gold,

tangerine…

Ugh. GREEEEEEEENNN!

“It’s fine.

I’ll wait.

I’m great!

Just

a little

late.

But the season

moved on.

The moment

was gone.

Will Needle accept her fate?

Or wait?

Wait…

Wait!

She heard

the tinkle

of laughter

… and glass?

She saw

tinsel,

balls,

and glitter.

Gasp!

She turned

crimson,

gold,

and amber.

At last!

She shimmered.

And smiling,

shivered.

On the most joyous

day of winter.

Candycane. Carols.

Christmas

had come

and all

but one

tree…

were bare,

barren,

leaves

fallen.

⁠

—not Needle,

the evergreen.

I can’t wait to get this discussion underway about what we can learn from these creators and their pieces!

Sincerely,

Kaitlyn Leann Sanchez

PS. I can’t wait for our Kidlit Dance Party this weekend, who’s coming??

PPS I want to challenge you talented analyzers to comment on my tweet for the Picture Books I Like post and tag twitter as many creators from the list as you can! A tall order but if each person tags one or two, we can tag them all in no time!







Published

58 thoughts on “Analysis Fall Writing Frenzy 2020, Week 5”

  1. Eeeeep!! So exciting to be here!!! 😀 Can’t seem to see the other comments for now; so I will guess and hopefully these haven’t been mentioned already… is the theme… the magic of autumn or something to do with transformation?

    If this is indeed the theme, I love how these stories had varied perspectives on the same thing happening. Leaves changing, nature showing off, but it was a melancholic event for THE MEADOW OF SPIRITS UNKNOWN and FALL BEGINS (beyond brilliant descriptors here btw. It was like each line was a stroke of paint on a canvas)… meanwhile so exciting if not inspiring for NEEDLE and THE WONDERS OF THE LEAVES. I wonder if it has to do with age… like the former 2 seem to have older MCs while the latter two are so youthful.

    Also, I think NEEDLE and FALL BEGINS are doing a high 5 or happy dance together! Thought it was very cool that the title is FALL BEGINS but it ends with winter!

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    1. I posted a bit late so you were the first and what a way to start it off with a bang, can you share any insight about your piece? And I love the way to described The Meadow and Fall Begins 😍
      Interestingly, I chose these all die to the lyrical nature, but since it’s the fall writing frenzy, it makes sense the the lyrical stories are fall and transformation oriented!

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      1. Lyrical! Of course!!!

        On NEEDLE: I’d just finished some webinars (on voice, PB writing process, etc); and truthfully I was feeling very overwhelmed, so Fall Writing Frenzy gave me the opportunity to apply what I learned as a guided exercise and in a very fun environment!

        Word choice was very deliberate (‘stiff’ and ‘bristling’ to convey frustration; ‘tinkle’ for magic; ‘crackled’ like how leaves dry up) and I kind of experimented with internal rhymes (amber, auburn, autumn was really fun). 😀

        Also got to practice researching as part of the process so I looked up the life cycle of a pine tree for that part “seed-to-cones”. I googled ‘autumn colors’ too, which came in very handy throughout!

        The pacing was useful in conveying emotion as well. Like that part where she saw tinsel, balls, and glitter (gasp!).. in my head, I read it very fast and in one breath so there’s a lot of excitement. “She shimmered…” is the exhale. There’s also relief there as she realizes that her being different was her being special.

        The last 2 things that are easy to miss on a quick read would be:
        – the 2nd “Wait…”, which is actually time passing: Here, the other trees are losing their leaves little by little, making Needle stand out more.
        – the other tree saying “You might turn blue” when Needle holds her breath: I thought it would be hilarious for some nosy grown-up to suggest she might turn blue when she was trying very hard to turn autumn colors!

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          1. Thank you so much Shannon! 🙂 The one about voice was part of/ by Picture Book Summit. The replay was only until Aug 20 though! I think they also touched on it in Storyteller Academy’s Picture Book Challenge Week, which was also in August.

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    2. Wow! Thank you so much for your kind words regarding Fall Begins. I love how a story idea (or an image) sometimes grabs you so tight you have no choice but to find the right words. I feel so lucky that I accomplished that with Fall Begins. –Amber

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      Reply

  2. Needle, the Evergreen –By Dazzle Ng

    I love this week’s celebration of all things “tree” & “forest,” especially the changing colors. ‘Needle’ is my favorite of this group. Needle’s personality & youthful exuberance shines through, especially in the dialogue. “Don’t mind me. I’m changing!” made me smile. Charming!

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    1. Thank you so much Carrie! This comment went straight to my heart. I’m happy Needle made you smile! Later on, I realized she’s the the kid who’s the last to have a birthday party in her whole class (making her the youngest too!); and with every party, she gets more and more impatient (but also, CAKE!) and she finally gets her party and it’s the best day of her life.

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  3. An Autumn Daydream–By Kelly Zhang

    This story is an absolute delight for the senses! So many dreamy & delicious turns of phrase: “impish autumn breeze,” “Rowing a boat under the azure sky, I forget to which port I’m headed,” “A single leaf drifted past my shoulder, the color of burning dreams.” {sigh} Beautiful stuff. The part about the boat especially sings to me, as that is how I’ve felt many early mornings, drifting along a river in my kayak. Thank you for sharing this lovely piece, Kelly,

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  4. Ahh how timely that this week is all about the trees, and Needle’s siblings are all sparkling in our homes 🙂 I also love that even though they were all written during the spookiest time of year, almost all of these pieces have a note of warmth, hope, and optimism.

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  5. The Wonders of the Leaves by Shannon Howarth Nelsen–This is a gorgeous examination of the intersection of lives and changes happening in a pile of fall leaves. Starting with the children playing in the leaves is the perfect “jumping off” point for the piece. (forgive my puns, please 😉 ) One of the things I like most about it is the reader can learn a lot from this piece, but it doesn’t feel didactic at all. Great work–would make a lovely picture book.

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  6. These are wonderfully written stories about our natural world and change. They all use sparse language and incredible word choice. There seems to be a thread of transformation running through each and most have to do with trees.

    The Meadow of Spirits Unknown- This is beautifully written and there is such ease to the rhyme. I love this idea of healing the world. 

    The Wonders of the Leaves- Again, I love the rhyme. I appreciate how short the lines were, yet what a full story they told. I also love the science themes, subtly incorporated. 

    Fall Begins- Such precise word choice in so few words to bring us through an entire year. 

    An Autumn Daydream- The language in this piece is exquisite! So many lines I love. “dive into a forest”, “velvety canopy of stars”, “impish autumn breeze tickles my cheeks…”. I also love how Kelly so skillfully transitions us in and out of the dream. 

    Needle, the Evergreen- The voice in this story is wonderful. Needle elicits such emotion. I love the way Dazzle chose to structure this piece. 

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  7. These pieces were all such a delight to read! I love the idea of highlighting change and how it was done in so many different ways. I think I’m a poet at heart, so they all pulled me in with wonderful language. I especially liked the structures of The Wonders of the Leaves and Fall Begins. These are the types of poems/books that teachers would love to use as mentor texts in the classroom. They provide scaffolds that kids can easily imitate.

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  8. Such lush and lyrical pieces this week! I really felt the change/new beginnings theme running throughout.

    In Danielle’s The Meadow of Spirits Unknown, the angst of the MC is so clear in the language…torment, anguish, woulds, tears, regret…but then…hope! Beautiful!

    In Shannon’s The Wonder of Leaves, her gorgeous language expresses all the wonderous fall activity going on. lines such as “plumping up for sleep” and “treasures join the heap”…wow!

    In Fall Begins, Amber’s short lines and crisp text lend to the feeling of shorter, colder days fast approaching!

    Kelly’s soothing words brought a feeling of peace. I loved how she then jars the reader from that moment of calm with the screeching tires and the image of those sweet, peaceful dreams slipping away in the reality of consciousness.

    Needle, the Evergreen – I loved the whole premise that Dazzle sets up of the Evergreen waiting, waiting for its color to change. The way that Needle achieves that change was a bit of a twist and the pure joy was very satisfying!

    Well done, everyone!

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  9. Another group of amazing stories, all with a change of season feel to them.

    The Meadow of Spirits Unknown – enjoyed the visualization this story brought to me. That would be a great brew, if it could solve all those problems of the world.

    The Wonders of the Leaves – love the rhyming of this story, it is not easy and this story flows really well with the rhyming. There is such a positive feeling and warmth of this story.

    Fall Begins – I could feel and even hear the change of the seasons in this story, the wording was well placed to describe the change of seasons.

    An Autumn Daydream – So many lines that I enjoyed, that showed me this story. I felt the magic of the season with the descriptive language.

    Needle, the Evergreen – love the premise of this story, of the idea of the tree that doesn’t change like the rest, but changes in its own way. Love the personification of the tree, I could feel how the tree was feeling throughout the story.

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  10. HI Kaitlyn,

    It is with a heavy heart that I’m sending this email. This morning I had an endoscopy. Just feeling a little groggy but ok. Doctor thinks biopsy will be fine. I have gastroparesis (a slow digestive system that I usually can handle 😊) However, while I was having this procedure done, my father in law took a turn for the worse. They have just placed him on morphine and stopped his medications.

    I was ready to “dance” this Saturday but due to Dad’s condition I’m not sure if that will be possible. I don’t want to hold my space if someone else will be able to enjoy this event in my place!

    I’m going to “attempt “to analyze Week 5, in an “attempt” keep busy since I can’t be with my family at the hospital tonight.

    Thank your commitment to the Kidlit community. You are amazing!

    Warmly,

    Susan Schipper

    Sent from Mail for Windows 10

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  11. The Fall Writing Winning entries continue to “wow” me!
    “The Meadow of Spirits Unknown” The rhyming was amazing, the story well told.
    “The Wonders of the Leaves” I love the colorful descriptions used throughout this poem. You could vividly imagine the actions taking place throughout the poem.
    “Fall Begins” Spectacular use of color words, noting the transition from Fall to Winter.
    “An Autumn Daydream” This poem was filled with emotion. The sights and sounds described throughout the poem were incredible!
    “Needle the Evergreen” This one truly relates the” magic of Fall”. Evergreen sees all of the changes taking place and transitions. Not only does it transition to Winter…but to Christmas as well!

    The common thread ..could it be transitions???

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  12. The Meadows of Spirits Unknown – This piece pulls you in immediately with the lyrical, mysterious title. I especially loved these active phrases “leaps and twirls”, “cleanses her heart,” and “beats in her wish”. What a noble and beautiful concept – healing the world – and executed with a poetic license so it doesn’t feel cliche!

    The Wonders of the Leaves – Thank you for all of your kind words! I had so much fun writing this piece. You can probably tell that I love nature and music (which I include as poetry).  I’m fascinated by all that goes on that we don’t see and the amazing adaptation of animals and plants. I love to see children discovering the magic of nature too.

    Fall Begins – I love the simplicity of this piece. So much beauty and movement in so few words. 

    An Autumn Daydream – This piece took me on a sensory journey. My favorite lines were “an impish autumn breeze tickles my cheek”, “rowing a boat under the azure sky, “a velvety canopy of stars” and “the color of burning dreams”. Lovely.

    Needle, the Evergreen – Wow! The way Dazzle personified this little tree was everything. So many emotions and a surprising, satisfying ending. The language was an amazing combination of lyrical and kid-like. I loved it!

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  13. The Meadow the Spirits Unknown has a dark mood from the start and builds on that feeling with beautiful language and rhyme. Her wishes are heavy but we feel a sense hope and the possibility of redemption. So well done with so few words.

    The Wonders of the Leaves I love the beautiful, colorful descriptions of nature preparing for winter. I just love the delicate way Shannon covers the myriad activities animals and nature undergo in the change of seasons, while looking ahead to new beginnings in the spring.

    Fall Begins I just love the brevity of this piece. Amber captures the gorgeous colors and sounds of autumn fading in to winter…beautiful writing!!

    An Autumn Daydream is such a sensory piece! I love the line, “I anchor the boat, and dive into a forest…” so cleverly phrased. I could absolutely see the canopy of stars and hear the owl hoot hoot. I hated the spell to be broken by the screech of tires! I was drifting off too ha ha. Lovely writing.

    Needle, the Evergreen I love Needle’s personality! It shines through loud and charmingly clear. I love Needle holding her breath 🙂 we feel her frustration, and when her time comes to shine, we’re cheering her on. Terrific ending!

    Theme thoughts – seasonal changes/hope/looking ahead to next

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  14. Hmmm. I only had time to do a quick read through this week. It seems they all have trees or nature in them and there is some form of transformation or new beginning.

    Not related to the theme question but… I just wanted to say that I love the meter that is used in both The Wonder of Trees and Fall Begins. I think I’ll try using that sometime.

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  15. Pingback: Analysis Fall Writing Frenzy 2020, Week 6 – Math is Everywhere

  16. The Meadow of Spirits Unknown by Danielle Sharkan
    Lovely rhyme. The message of hope and healing is especially relevant today. So timely.
    The Wonders of the Leaves by Shannon Howarth Nelsen
    Beautifully descriptive and full of educational content.
    • Animals storing food for winter
    • Habitat
    • Lifecyle of butterfly
    • Seasons
    Fall Begins by Amber Hendricks
    Makes me feel like sipping a pumpkin spice latte. Or taking fall photos. I can almost feel winter setting in and picture the beautiful colors of fall. So descriptive.
    An Autumn Daydream by Kelly Zhang
    “Dive into the forest.” Love this nautical verb. I feel like I’m diving into the forest too as the author takes me on this journey with her.
    Needle, the Evergreen by Dazzle Ng
    This reminds of the picture book, Little Tree by Loren Long, except that tree didn’t want to lose its leaves.
    Love this ending. She didn’t get to sparkle when the others did. But she was patient, and eventually, when fall was over, Needle got her chance to shine in a different way.
    Love all these lyrical stories with such beautiful descriptions!

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  17. The Meadow of Spirits Unknown by Danielle Sharkan
    Lovely rhyme. The message of hope and healing is especially relevant today. So timely.
    The Wonders of the Leaves by Shannon Howarth Nelsen
    Beautifully descriptive and full of educational content.
    • Animals storing food for winter
    • Habitat
    • Lifecyle of butterfly
    • Seasons
    Fall Begins by Amber Hendricks
    Makes me feel like sipping a pumpkin spice latte. Or taking fall photos. I can almost feel winter setting in and picture the beautiful colors of fall. So descriptive.
    An Autumn Daydream by Kelly Zhang
    “Dive into the forest.” Love this nautical verb. I feel like I’m diving into the forest too as the author takes me on this journey with her.
    Needle, the Evergreen by Dazzle Ng
    This reminds of the picture book, Little Tree by Loren Long, except that tree didn’t want to lose its leaves.
    Love this ending. She didn’t get to sparkle when the others did. But she was patient, and eventually, when fall was over, Needle got her chance to shine in a different way.
    Love all these lyrical stories with such beautiful descriptions!

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