How To Revise (and Rhyme) Like a Mermaid – Guest Post for Kidlit Zombie Week with Diana Murray

Hi Wonderful Readers,

Don’t forget to head to our 6 Ladies and a MANuscript Twitter account for a great discussion about revision based on this fantastic post below, and have fun interacting with your fellow participants. We would love for you to learn and grow from these posts and also from a wonderful and supportive community. One more day until the pitch and pledge contests, too, so make sure to revisit past posts, especially on pitch-writing here.

How To Revise (and Rhyme) Like a Mermaid

with Diana Murray

Is your manuscript in need of resuscitation?

Well then, how about a little mermaid magic? According to lore, mermaids are excellent rescuers! If you think like a mermaid, maybe you can breathe new life into your story. Let’s go ahead and dive in, shall we?

1. Mermaids love shiny things.

Perhaps your manuscript could use some sparkle. Whatever your theme is, try incorporating more theme-specific words. If you have a story about mermaids, instead of calling something “good”, you can say it’s “mer-velous”. If you have a story about trucks, instead of saying “a truck went down the street”, you can say that it “rumbled”. Go through every single word choice and see where you can add some shinier gems. And if you write in rhyme, you can also try incorporating some less obvious end rhymes here and there. Are you sure that your characters should simply have “fun” in the “sun”? Or is there a more specific, unique action you can describe and incorporate into the rhyme? Finally, try to polish away dull filler words like “just” and “really”.

2. Mermaids love singing.

If you want your words to sing, you need to read them out loud. Even better, let others read them out loud, as well. Does the reader smile at the parts you thought were supposed to be funny? Are there certain sections that make the reader stumble or pause? If you write in meter, is the meter consistent throughout? For example, if you’re writing in 4/3 common meter, check for lines that may have slipped into 3/4 by accident. And be extra careful to set up your opening lines in a metrically unambiguous way. Your opening lines need to be particularly obvious to set up the reader’s expectation for the meter, otherwise it will throw everything off. And to bring out some additional rhythm, why not try adding a refrain? Repetition can make the text more musical. If you want to, you can even vary the meter of the refrain from the meter of the rest of the story.

3. Mermaids love swimming.

I mean, obviously! But when mermaids swim, they don’t just stay in the shallows. They leap above the waves and they swim way down into the depths of the sea. You want to make sure your story has multiple layers. Mermaid Day is about a fun mermaid party. But there is also a deeper message about being inclusive and not jumping to conclusions about people. Is there an emotional layer you can add to your story (without being too didactic)? You can also try adding an educational layer, such as a concept like counting or colors. Whatever you do, don’t get stuck floating in place. Stretch your fins and explore different options in multiple drafts. Maybe you can change from third-person to second-person POV. Maybe you can change from the lilting, slower pace of anapestic tetrameter to the peppy, quicker pace of trochaic dimeter. The possibilities are endless.

Remember the three S’s of revising like a mermaid (shiny, singing, swimming) and you’ll be on your way!

If you’re in the mood for some more seaworthy suggestions, sail onward. Years ago, I wrote a post about the three R’s of revising like a pirate, and you can find that here: https://rhymerev.com/2017/04/25/rhyme-revolution-2017-day-17-diana-murray-revise-like-a-pirate/

Happy revising!

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Diana Murray is the author of over twenty-five children’s books, including Jr. Library Guild selections like CITY SHAPES and GOODNIGHT, VEGGIES; as well as UNICORN NIGHT, an Amazon Best Book of the Year from the bestselling UNICORN DAY series. Her poems have appeared in many magazines and anthologies. Diana grew up in New York City and still lives nearby with her husband, two children, and a dog who loves trips to the beach. http://www.dianamurray.com

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Wasn’t that magical?

Check out all the events for #KidLitZombieWeek July 3-7, 2023 here.

There are prizes for pitches and pledges! 🤩

And be sure to follow 6 Ladies and a MANuscript on Twitter for more great tips and discussions: @6and_MANuscript, head over to Twitter now and tell us which of these additionals or removals you’re excited about trying with your “dead” manuscript to bring it back to life!